Fic! "Bedtime Story", RL/SB

This grew out of the line of dialogue that sprang into my mind, "Sirius, don't tell him that story!" RL/SB with a bit of JP/LP. Fluff, G-rated.

ETA: Edited it a bit, because some bits weren't as clear as I thought they were at 2am after three beers. Don't drink and lj, people.


"Are you sure you two'll be all right?"

"Don't be such an old woman, Prongs. Go have your night out, it's your anniversary. Moony and I'll be fine. He can't even crawl yet, how much trouble can he be?"

"The nappies are in the cupboard over here, and there's a bottle in the kitchen for him if he gets hungry. You just have to warm it up – but not so it's hot, Sirius, I know you get overenthusiastic –"

"Don't worry, Lily, I'll restrain him. Go. Enjoy your evening."

***

"Well, what'll we do now?"

"Sirius! Not now, we're supposed to be watching the baby."

"He's sleeping, he doesn't need much watching."

"Mmm. Stop it! He might wake up."

"Shh, Moony. Even if he does, it's not like he can see us from over there."

...

"Oh god, Sirius…No. Stop it. We can't do this here."

"C'mon, Moony – what's the harm? Baby's sleeping, James and Lily won't be back for hours…Just let me..."

...

"Yes...oh god, don't stop - I mean, no. Sirius, we can't. Not now."

"WAAAAH!"

"See what I mean?"

***

"Come on, Harry, come see your godfather. He's awfully…floppy, isn't he?"

"I think you're supposed to support his head."

"Well, why don't you try it, then, if you're such an expert?"

***

"I didn't know singing to babies was one of your talents."

"I’m not singing, I'm humming. And anyway, he's quiet now, or hadn't you noticed?"

"I thought there was a reason my ears had stopped ringing. D'you think he'll sleep now?"

"Well, we can try it..."

"WAAAH!"

"Apparently not. Here, you take him, you're his godfather."

"What do you expect me to do with him?"

"I don't know! ...You could try telling him a story."

"A story?"

"It's what my father used to do when I couldn't sleep. Usually he did it the night before the full moon. I always dropped right off."

"A story. All right, just let me think – stop looking at me, Moony!"

"Looking at you how?"

"Stop giving me that amused waiting-for-Sirius-Black-to-do-something-stupid look!"

"I hadn't realized you'd catalogued my expressions so precisely."

"I'll catalogue you if you don't stop it."

"Threats, now? And just a minute ago you were trying to seduce me. I'm hurt, really."

"Shut it. Okay, a story. Once upon a time..."

"Going with the classics?"

"I thought I told you to shut it. Once upon a time, there were two boys. Their names were Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, and they were very good friends."

"I don't think innuendo is traditionally part of a bedtime story."

"I don't need these editorial comments. I am an artist, and I work with whatever tools I choose. If innuendo is one of those tools, then I will use innuendo to tell my story. Now, if I might continue without any further interruptions?"

"Oh, just get on with it."

"As I was saying. These two boys were very good friends, and they had all sorts of interesting adventures together. As it happens, however, this story begins when the two boys were trapped together in a broom closet that someone – who may or may not be the parent of anyone in the room – had hexed shut."

"Sirius, don't tell him that story!"

"Moony, he's not even six months old yet. He doesn't understand a word I'm saying."

"It's just not – appropriate. I don't think James would appreciate you telling his son about that little episode."

"Well, considering he's the one who locked us in there in the first place, I hold him responsible for the consequences."

"He doesn't know about the consequences! At least, he'd better not."

"Well, of course he doesn't, I haven't finished the story yet!"

"I meant James!"

"Oh. Well, I don't think he knows...not specifically, anyway,"

"Not specifically?"

"...Oh, damn. Look, Remus, you know I tell James everything –"

"I hadn't realized it extended quite that far. Got any good stories about Lily, then?"

"I – No! Dammit, I didn't tell him any details. Only – he could tell something was up, the next day, so I had to tell him something, and you know I'm a lousy liar – "

"So you 'fessed up. I thought he looked at me sort of funny after that."

"Well, what did you want me to do? Lie to my best friend?"

"Shh – look."

"What – oh. He's sleeping."

"Finally."

"Look at him – he looks so peaceful, the little monster."

"Mm. Maybe you could tell me the rest of that story."

"But you know how it ends."

"With a really good story, that doesn't matter."

"...All right. Once upon a time..."

***

"Moony, Padfoot, we're home!"

"Shh!"

"What -?"

"Shh, look."

"What – those bloody poofs."

"James Potter, you shut your mouth. I think it's adorable. Look at them. All three of them, fast asleep."

"But they were supposed to be watching him!"

"Harry isn't going anywhere, James. Sirius has him. Still, we should put him in his crib....Come on, Harry, we're just going to put you down in your nice bed…."

"What do we do about them, then?"

"I say we leave them as they are. I'm not about to disturb them."

"So we should just leave them on the sofa?"

"Well, they'll be sore tomorrow. But I don't want to wake them up – they look so peaceful."

"They do, don't they? I wonder how they ended up falling asleep like that."

"I think you should stop worrying about them and come to bed."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Mmm. Yes. Now."

"Well, never let it be said that I was unresponsive to my wife's needs."

"Don't make me hex you."

"Joking! To bed, Mrs. Potter?"